Christmas is nigh... (5)

Following on from Christmas is nigh... (4), the final bit:

“Have you got a… partner?” 

“You said you were going to explain. So please explain.” 

“Ok. Well then I’ll just explain, and be honest. I… Brian, I… damn I just know I’m going to cry. I erm… I spent a long time wondering whether to actually do this. I know maybe I should have called or told you or I don’t know… but then you know me, a bit crazy and that just turning up and standing in front of your door at Christmas…” 

He looked up from his potatoes. His eyes were wide and she couldn’t tell whether he was angry or not. 

“What do you want to say Marie?” 

“Ok. I missed you. I thought about you almost every day and when I wasn’t thinking of you I imagined you thinking about me. I kept your photo close by me all the time and I prayed you’d answer my messages. I told myself over and over how stupid I’d been and hoped one day you’d forgive me. I thought I’d never see you again or hear your voice and in the end I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had to see you. So here I am. And I guess that’s it. I guess that’s what I want to say. I don’t know whether it’s an apology or explanation but I love you Brian. I loved you the first moment I saw you. I loved you all those years hoping it would happen and then it was all so complicated and in the end I messed it all up. I know I messed it up and I wish it hadn’t been so. I have that regret and I wish so much I hadn’t been so stupid. I’m so sorry. I am so so sorry and if you have found someone that’s fine. I wish you well. I wish that you get everything you deserve. I know you were with someone and if you still are then please say because I’ll leave. I’ll do as I say. I don’t want to do wrong again. I care about you too much…” Marie felt the tears begin to tumble down her burning cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” She yearned for him to take her in his strong warm arms but he stood frozen to the spot. 

“I know. I’m sorry too. It wasn’t easy.” He spoke; matter-of-factly. 

The tears raced and she felt sick. It had been a long time since she’d felt so vulnerable and so weak. 

“What do you want me to do Brian? Tell me and I’ll do it. No wait… Let me give you your presents first. I want it to be a good moment.” 

Before he could answer she’d sped to the tree and retrieved the two treasured presents she had hoarded in her home so long. She passed them to him after he’d wiped his hands and moved back to the door frame beside the fridge to allow him space. He carefully unwrapped the first present and smiled. 

“You had this a very long time. I thought I wouldn’t see it again.” 

“It’s yours. It has your name in it.” 

After unwrapping the second one his smile was lighter still. 

“I’ve been practising…” 

She looked him in the eyes. Those sweet, loving eyes she’d missed so much. If anything; this moment was worth her visit. Just looking into his eyes meant everything to Marie. 

“So now tell me Brian. What shall I do? I… I don’t know what to do.” 

Brian put the present down and moved towards her. Marie’s heart thumped beneath her rib cage. He stood before her; so close again she could smell him. She wanted to wrap her arms around his waist and hold him tight. She craved to reach beneath his shirt and feel his warm skin beneath her fingers. Her hands quivered as she watched his thoughts shift to words. 

“What do you want me to do? Shall I go? I…” 

“Shh…” He pressed his fingers to her lips. She swallowed her words and relished the moment more than he would ever know. 

“I’ll tell you what I want.” 

She looked deeply into his eyes in anticipation. 

“I want you to stay. Stay and play a game of scrabble with me. Stay here. Stay here with me. Say you’ll stay, forever.” 

Marie swallowed again and breathed in. She closed her eyes as she felt the tears begin again; heavily and with such relief. 

“I want that. I want that so much. I’ll stay. I’ll stay forever.” 

They stood for a moment before finally, after such a long time, they held each other so tight that it was clear; they had loved each other from the very first moment and throughout all that had happened; it had never gone away. 

“What did you wish for this Christmas Marie?” 

Marie smiled, a tear budding in her eye: “It just came true.”