Begin the Book here: just scroll all the way down...
“Right, so... This
huge guy came into the shop. I swear he was almost seven foot, looked a bit
worse for wear but was dressed head to toe in Yves Saint Laurent: I know,
could’ve been gay but I swear he was far from it. So Amy is stood at the
counter in her usual slouched, nibbling on a carrot fashion that does my head
in…” Maggie giggled; she knew all of Lily’s colleagues and loved how she
described them, “… and asks if we can help him. She said we, of course, not
her; just to be on the safe side incase she doesn’t want to assist him any
more. And this guy, crouching beneath our low ceilings, looked as if he was
about to start crying. I really had to stifle a laugh cos it just looked so
silly!” Lily loved remembering the stories as they never stopped being funny.
“Amy was lovely. She slid out from behind the counter and led him to the front
of the shop where he could stand up straight again because of the high ceiling.
She asked him again how she could help and this time he actually spoke. He said
he wanted to try on some underwear because he wanted to surprise his fiancé.
Amy asked the usual questions: rubber, leather, with cock ring, without,
sparkly, colourful… and the guy, suddenly speechless again probably due to
Amy’s very open way of talking, pointed at the thongs hanging up next to the
counter. ‘Oh, thongs! Yeah, sure!’ Amy trilled. So they went over to the
thongs, the poor man buckled under the low beams. They took out a few, one
white (yuk) and a multi-coloured sparkly thing that we have only sold once to
an extremely gay young man who dotes upon colourful thongs. Amy accompanied Mr.
Longjohn, as we have now nicknamed him, to the changing cabins where I was
stood next to the tea and coffee stand.” Lily paused to take a sip of her
coffee; Maggie-style, too weak with hardly any milk. Maggie giggled at Lily’s
displeased face: “Sorry…” she whispered.
“So I watched this
guy squeeze into the middle cabin. And I mean squeeze, his legs came up to my
chest, he was e-NOR-mous! And he began trying on the thongs. Amy and I tried to
peak inside the cabin where the curtains didn’t quite reach but couldn’t really
see anything. After a few minutes Amy carefully asked, ‘Is everything ok? Do
any of them fit?’ And suddenly, completely without warning, this huge oaf of a
man opened the curtain and was stood infront of us totally naked except for a
transparent white thong with no underwear underneath. Amy and I grew bright red
and didn’t know where to look. I was wetting myself on the inside! And this guy
was “big” all over,” (Lily did the bunny ears with her fingers and chuckled to
herself). “It was falling out of all seams!! Amy had tears in her eyes until
she suddenly just stood up straight and said; “I’m afraid you’re going to have
to buy that: you’re not allowed to try the underwear on bare skin, hygienic
reasons. I hope you understand?”
Lily shifted as
George tried to make himself comfortable on the couch next to her. “I swear
mum, I had to bite my teeth together to stop myself laughing. She was so
serious and that really is a sore spot she has: too right. I mean, I don’t want
to try on underwear that has been on somebody else before either. She has a
point. And it’s just not hygienic. Anyway, this guy didn’t budge and we could
see that he was getting, well, you know; a boner! And I just grabbed Amy,
marched her to the counter and shouted after him, to put his pants back on and
leave the cabin. So this guy came out again, dressed, with the thongs in his
hand, looking like a puppy that had just been told off and began tearing the
price tags off the thongs and then gave the tags to Amy. He then apologised! It
was so bizarre. Normally they just give you the clothes and bugger off and we
have to wash the bloody things. But no, he was so sweet. And so Amy started
talking to him and it turned out his girlfriend is a bit of a dominatrix that
had ordered him to buy underwear and he was completely overwhelmed by the task,
had no idea where to start and so didn’t really know what to do. We felt so
sorry for him that we even offered to take the things back but he insisted that
he buys them. Gave us a tip too. Although I still don’t know whether I believe
him. He did have a boner!”
Maggie had already
begun laughing when Lily had said the word boner, her mum was easily amused,
and her eyes had creased up with tears as she rocked back and forth. “The poor
lad: you young things think it’s so easy nowadays with all these new things
happening. I had a video talk with your brother yesterday. That was great!”
Lily laughed, her
mum was a late adopter and wasn’t up to speed with all the newest channels of
communication. “You mean Skype, mum!”
“Oh Darling, what
do I know. But tell me something. What are your plans in the long term? You
know you can’t really stay at the boutique for ever.” And so Lily took a deep
breath and began telling her mum of her hopes and dreams: engagement, kids, a
good job, something creative that makes her happy; of course maybe not exactly
in that order but she wanted Matt and herself to start their future lives
together. Soon. And she wanted a better-paid job! And Maggie listened to it all
and when Lily finished she just said, “Darling, give it time. It’ll all work
out fine. Be patient.”
And with a warm
feeling Lily made her way home through the winter wonderland outside, looking
forward to Matt and hating herself for being so jealous because she knew
deep-down, that Matt was a good ‘un. Unfortunately, she came home to an empty
flat, dark and dismal. So with a heavy heart Lily went to bed and it wasn’t
until six in the morning that she woke slightly to the entering of her good
boyfriend Matt and a tear slid down her hot, exhausted cheek.
