Sex Amnesia and being Sexy...

Let's talk about Sex, Baby

It's no secret that some people like more sex, others like less sex, some feel bothered by the thought of sex and some even use sex to get what they want (whether they enjoy it or not). What we mustn't forget: there are differences between sex in a relationship and single sex. Today I would like to address the former as I am in a monogamous relationship and have been for over three years now.

Making it happen

Lately I have got thinking about what makes a relationship successful and without a shadow of a doubt (in 99% of all cases) sex plays an important role. We are attracted to each other in the first place and appearance is the first point on our checklist that our gut feeling can cross off. This gut feeling (or the butterflies) decreases the longer a relationship goes as we get into a routine and daily life takes its toll. In a good relationship you are as much sex partner as friend and helper and hence when we come home in the evening we talk instead of passionately throwing ourselves at each other like in the hot first stage of the relationship. Hormones ofcourse also play a huge role in this: but that I will leave to the doctors to discuss and explain: Loss of Libido.

Love one another and you will be happy.
It's as simple and as difficult as that.
Michael Leunig

How I see it
There is no secret to having fun or being "good" in bed. At the end of the day, most men want to be "de man" in bed and women want to be the "damsel" that gets her fair share and not an in-out-shake-it-all-about-thanks-love-can you make me a cuppa tea kinda deal. Men like women that like men. And women like men that like women. Sounds kind of weird but at the end of the day, having a good time in bed relies mainly on both parties enjoying it, each other, being fair and being thankful for what they have.

Body issues
Leading on from how I see it I am aware that most women wish they had a bit more there and a little less here and some men think they're perfect (and secretly wish their tummy was a little more like that of the guy on the front of GQ magazine). But again, if you love yourself the way you are and just aim to keep healthy and fit then your partner will like you the way you are too (and if they don't: get rid of them!). It is incredible what a difference it makes if a woman is near to naked and thinking "I'm gonna blow his mind with some sexy, even though not perfect, salsa hip shake moves," to if she is near to naked and trying to hide her thighs thinking "Oh God, please don't look at my thighs as I try to wiggle a little salsa shake out". Work on what you like and temporarily ignore what you don't like. Men will instantly be drawn to whatever you decide to draw them to. Use it. They see boobs and their IQ drops a little (and some drool slightly). If you have a great bum, wrap it in something amazing and shake it to something. Even if you're not the greatest in Shakira moves, laugh and enjoy it. Trust me: it's incredibly sexy to laugh while you're wiggling... I know, we're not Baby and Johnny but you're a gift: present yourself that way.

Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze, Dirty Dancing

Our face...

... reveals everything. If you try having sex infront of the mirror you quickly realise that what is actually going through your head is painted onto your face in the throes of passion. Although porn films really don't represent what we look like in real it is sometimes interesting to mimic some of their expressions and see how they look on us. Try it: if nothing else it'll make you laugh!

The Bottom Line

I don't want to go on about what makes a relationship great as it is different for every person. But the bottom line is, we should not try to be the people that tell others how humor, friendship etc. is so important to us because let's face it: sex is reproduction and is still the best way to bring us closer to each other. And so, even when you don't "feel like it", if your partner is making clear signs that he/she "wants" you, get over yourself, remember that you DO in fact like sex dating back to your first stage in the relationship and all those crazy hormones needless to say that it is a primal instinct, and let all your thoughts go, concentrate on only what is going on between the both of you and relax: it's not a chore and you WILL feel better after it.